How to Have Painful Discussions About Sex With a Partner

Sometimes it is not possible to talk about sex with your partner in person. Many couples find it easier to communicate via email, phone or text.

If pain with penetration makes sex off limits, explore non-penetrative sex options together. Look into pelvic floor physical therapy and toys that focus on clitoris stimulation.

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Be specific.

Talking about sexual activities is a huge part of a healthy relationship, but sex conversations can be uncomfortable and even awkward. That’s especially true if you’re discussing a painful sex experience, which can be hard to admit to a partner, and can lead to feelings of shame or embarrassment.

According to one study, up to 50 percent of women don’t tell their partners about pain during sex. This could be due to a variety of reasons, including fear that their partners won’t understand or accept their discomfort.

It’s important to discuss the pain you experience during sex, as it can help your partner understand and support your needs. However, be sure to have the conversation in a neutral location, away from the bedroom, and avoid discussing this topic right before or after sex. You should also try to focus on one specific issue at a time, such as frequency or penetration. Sensual massage, kissing and mutual masturbation are other forms of intimate expression that can still be erotic and may offer an alternative to penetrative sex until your pelvic muscles heal.

Be open.

Talking about sexual activities can make couples feel awkward, but it is important to have open communication. Your partner cannot read your mind, and you may find it helpful to ask them what they like or do not enjoy.

This is a great opportunity to show that you are a good listener and are open to new things. For instance, if they say that certain positions or touches hurt, you can try to understand their perspective. Remember that sex pain is not necessarily their fault; it is often due to medical issues such as pelvic pain disorder, sexual trauma or vaginismus.

Be sure to choose the right time and place to have this conversation, such as a neutral location free of distractions. You should also agree on a time out if either of you becomes uncomfortable during the discussion and set limits on confidentiality. Some couples find it easier to discuss this topic over the phone or via email.

Be honest.

Sex isn’t always a pleasant experience, and pain during intercourse can be a big deal for couples. It can be hard to talk about this, but engaging in regular communication about sexual activities is a necessary part of any relationship, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.

A lot of reasons can cause pain during sex, including emotional trauma and physical conditions like vulvodynia, pelvic floor dysfunction or Peyronie’s disease. It’s important to be open with your partner about these issues, as well as discussing sexual history and STD testing options.

If a couple can’t agree on what to do about the pain, they should consult professionals for guidance and advice. Then they should make the decision that’s right for them. It’s also important to remember that open communication is a continuous journey of understanding, respect and trust. This can help a relationship thrive. Just be careful not to deceive your partner, such as faking an orgasm.

Be supportive.

It’s important to be supportive when talking about sexual activities, especially when someone experiences pain. Avoid making your partner feel responsible for the pain, as it isn’t their fault. Instead, listen to them and help them to find solutions that work for them.

This could involve focusing on sexual behaviors that don’t cause pain or experimenting with different positions or sensations. It could also mean finding other ways to connect and express affection, such as kissing, cuddling or intimacy talks.

 

The best time to have these conversations is in a private place free from distraction and interruption, such as over the phone or when both people are relaxed. It may also be helpful to prepare for the discussion ahead of time by educating yourself about pain, sexual history, STDs and contraception. This can make the conversation less awkward for both parties. Also, try to talk about the topic of sex a little at a time.

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